My Thoughts: Some short takes and questions

What is the difference between seeing someone in their bathing suit and seeing them in their underwear?

Do secret agents really infiltrate buildings via the air conditioning ducts? If they do, how have villains increased their air duct security measures?

Only the good die young. Cats have 9 lives. Think about it.

When people are stuck in traffic they wish they had a flying car. However, if everyone had a flying car there would still be the same amount of traffic. People would then be wishing their car didn’t fly.

It is said that one man can change the world. I ask, where does this man find a diaper that large?

If a garage is a place in which one parks, then saying “parking garage” is redundant.

If I were famous, I would buy a camera and stalk the members of the paparazzi.

I just can’t get help for my fear of going to a psychiatrist.

Going out to dinner with someone isn’t quite the same, when you visualize what they are going to be doing with the food they are eating six to eight hours later. This is why I can not go on dinner dates.

Two posts in two days?

Yeah, I know I am on fire. Two in a row. This is a poem. Hopefully you haven't stopped reading and have skipped to the preceding post which is actually worth reading. Anyway, to get to the point, the poem's concept is tricky. Especially for the writer. Hopefully I did my job. DON'T enjoy.......yet.

Antonym

I write this for another.
I write this for me.
I write this for everyone.
When something is
So is its other.
Isaac said every action has an equal.
This is my action in motion.
It is headed in the wrong direction.
Therefore another is destine for greatness.
I write this for another.
I write this for me.
Now everyone can enjoy some good poetry.

My Golden Calves No More

Hello.
The experiment failed miserably and well sorry. I may finish the rant about Krispy Kream some other time, but for now enjoy this.

I love animal shows. Ever since I was a wee tot I would instantly become entranced and engorged in a television show whenever I saw a person donning an all kaki (including the socks) attire, as if to suggest that they are the parcel service between the African Sahara and my living-room; and they are indeed my only outlet of correspondence from suburbia to the wilds of nature. I love these shows so much that I even watched a show called “Sunrise Earth” for ten minutes until I figured out that no one was narrating the show, and all the show entailed was the sights and sounds of buffalo grazing at dawn. It wasn’t completely my fault. Most of the narrators on these shows will pause to enable the audience to soak in the majesty of Mother Nature for colossal chunks of time before resuming their chronicling duties, which always made me wonder how I could get a job narrating a wildlife show.

The other day I was browsing through the TV guide menu, and I found a show called “Austin Stevens: Snakemaster.” So of course I had to give it a shot. I clicked on the channel and the fist thing I saw was a man swing from an enormous vine, jump off of it into a body of water, return to the surface gasping for air while wrestling a large snake and saying, “this snake has the 3^h worst venom of all snakes in the area and could easily kill me” in his tuff Australian accent. Needless to say, I was won over faster than a fat kid is to the idea of cake for breakfast. The man released the snake and it swam away unharmed and apathetic. This godlike man went on to capture four more ludicrously dangerous serpents using insanely absurd stalking and pouncing techniques like flying head first into the world’s 14th most poisonous snake’s underground layer. As impressive as these acts were, I noticed something about all of the Aussy’s captives. They were complacent, completely lacks with their surrounding like a pothead after inhaling a dime bag. Not to take anything away from these people that I formerly thought of as near idols, my golden calves, but the animals they are snagging from the wild are type-B individuals. They are the laid-back, dreamers of the animal kingdom. I want to see some of these people ensnare a type-A lion after it’s had a quick fix of some antelope meat or a neurotic cobra with ADHD. I think I am taking a break from these shows until the real men show up with a pocket knife, a wrench, and some floss in hopes of trapping a tiger with a meth addiction.