Fake News: Front page

Man Kills Faux, Gets Real Sentence

Tampa Bay, Florida- Gareth Humes of Galveston, Georgia plead guilty last Thursday to first degree murder for the killing of Donald Lee, a native of the Tampa area and Rush Limbaugh look-a-like. Humes was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison by Judge Harmon Thrash. Judge Thrash stated that Humes’ plea allowed him parole, something the intended victim of the crime is not happy about. Humes claimed that he had planned to murder the real Rush Limbaugh after hearing that the conservative talk show host was vacationing in Tampa. His plan went awry after he spotted Lee impersonating Limbaugh. Lee was satirically impersonating the controversial radio host to earn some extra cash, while Limbaugh was in town. Unfortunately, Humes mistook Lee for Limbaugh, and shot Lee in the chest six times.
Limbaugh spoke of the news on his show saying, “This psychotic, little (profanity) had the gall, and audacity to plan to murder me. Shoot me when I was least expecting it like some Allah loving terrorist. But did I really have anything to worry about though? I mean when was the last time a Democrat did anything right anyway? I am just surprise this little (profanity) had the balls to actually do something. And to this yahoo who was impersonating me, it deservers you right. Impersonation is only the highest form of flattery for losers. And that’s what this guy was a loser. Who makes money making fun of people? He should have gotten a real job.”
Before his sentencing Humes gave a heartfelt apology to the Lee family claiming that he never meant to hurt them, and that he intended to only end the life of Limbaugh, whose name he never actually addressed during the trial. “Unfortunately, Mr. Lee looked too much like him. I only intended to harm him. He is evil and should not be allowed to live none the less broadcast his mercurial, delusionary thoughts across America. I just hope that (profanity) knows he has it coming to him.”
Humes' case has been getting nationwide attention. Many have turned against Limbaugh after his asinine comments about Lee and given Humes sympathy after his heartfelt apology to the Lee family. Enraged, however, are the Limbaugh supporters as they stand by their man, and are glad to know that he has come back from his vacation in one piece.