Ever since instant messaging has hit pop culture abbreviations are being made for everything.
IM: Instant Messaging
Even the action has an abbreviation.
LOL, laughing out loud:
How many people do you know that do not laugh out loud? If you are not laughing out loud, then you are not laughing. You are just having a spasm or a seizure. That’s because if you are not making a laughing noise you are not laughing, which makes the thing you were laughing at (the joke) just a statement. So, the appropriate abbreviation would be IEYS, I enjoy your statement. Is their LOTI, laughing on the inside? No there isn’t. So why is there laughing on the outside? The only people who should be allowed to use this abbreviation are former prisoners talking to their friends still in the pokey. For the rest of us, we should use IAG- I am giggling.
WTF: What the Fuck
My friend sends me this one all the time. The first time he did it, I was like “What the fuck does that mean?” He replied “exactly” and I was like “that is a misguided abbreviation.”
BRB: Be right back:
This isn’t even a statement. It’s a command. Are friends are telling us to go away. It really should be IBRB, I’ll be right back. But we really are just tell are friends to go away, because what BRB really means is “I find you story very boring so I am going to pretend to be away from my computer.” Which makes the appropriate abbreviation- IFYSVBSIAGTPTBAFMC. But that’s a lot of work. This BRB thing can never happen in face to face conversation. You are driving in the car with your friend. “So, I am allergic to tomatoes. I asked the waiter if they had tomatoes in the salad, and she said no. But when-” “Frank BRB.” And just keep driving.
One thing I do like about the IM is the fact that you can “hang up” on someone.
SUpERFLY7892: batman sucks
MachoMAn54: no he doesnt u suck
SUpERFLY7892: batman has notin on superman
MachoMAn54: u r an idiot
MachoMAn54: signed off at 1:38 AM.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
My Thoughts: So Many Assumptions
Have you ever wondered why adults always tell kids that they will eventually come to like the opposite sex and will eventually want to kiss them? The response is, of course, “ewwww never.” For once I want a conversation between mother and her eight year old son to go as followed:
SON: HI mommy.
MOM: HI Matthew. How was your day at school?
SON: Uneventful
MOM: Oh really? How did you get that cut?
SON: I got into a fight.
MOM: WHAT? Why? With who?
SON: I was with some friends and some girls came up to us and started making fun of us and we said get out of here but they didn’t leave so Jenny hit me
MOM: And why were they making fun of you
SON: Because I am a boy
MOM: What did you do after Jenny hit you?
SON: I said stop or I’ll tell Mrs. Lancaster on you
MOM: And did she stop?
SON: Yeah but she said she hated me and then I said I hated her more
MOM: You shouldn’t say you hate her. You shouldn’t say that to anyone. You know in a couple of years you might like Jenny and maybe want to kiss her
SON: EWWW NO! NO I WILL NEVER
MOM: I bet you will.
SON: NO, seriously mom I won’t.
MOM: Don’t be too sure of yourself.
SON: Oh, I am sure of myself.
MOM: You won’t be saying that in a couple of years.
SON: Mom, mother, I’m gay.
That would be refreshing.
SON: HI mommy.
MOM: HI Matthew. How was your day at school?
SON: Uneventful
MOM: Oh really? How did you get that cut?
SON: I got into a fight.
MOM: WHAT? Why? With who?
SON: I was with some friends and some girls came up to us and started making fun of us and we said get out of here but they didn’t leave so Jenny hit me
MOM: And why were they making fun of you
SON: Because I am a boy
MOM: What did you do after Jenny hit you?
SON: I said stop or I’ll tell Mrs. Lancaster on you
MOM: And did she stop?
SON: Yeah but she said she hated me and then I said I hated her more
MOM: You shouldn’t say you hate her. You shouldn’t say that to anyone. You know in a couple of years you might like Jenny and maybe want to kiss her
SON: EWWW NO! NO I WILL NEVER
MOM: I bet you will.
SON: NO, seriously mom I won’t.
MOM: Don’t be too sure of yourself.
SON: Oh, I am sure of myself.
MOM: You won’t be saying that in a couple of years.
SON: Mom, mother, I’m gay.
That would be refreshing.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
My Thoughts: I don't get it
I do not get theses low-carb, high fat diets, because quite frankly since when has bread become bad for you? Isn’t this a food that has been around for thousands of years? Don’t you think if it didn’t work people would have stopped making it like twelve hundred years ago? It’s like saying “fruit is bad for you, because fruit has sugar, and sugar turns into fat.” Really how ridiculous is this? Bread has been around for as long as homo-sapiens have been civilized, and people have not always been morbidly obese. It is not breads fault that we are lazy. Besides, I don’t think it is as much the before dinner bread as much as the after dinner ninetupled-chocolate-butter-gooey-icing-quadruple-layer cake topped with ice cream and served with a pie on the side. I think the Atkins guy just had a personal vendetta against the Wonder Bread bunny or something.
Have you ever been watching a movie and the actor has to cry but can’t? They have the quivering chin, the sniffilly nose, but no tears. Suddenly we have gone from watching this person pretend to now pretending this person is pretending to pretend.
Are ties necessary? Men always have to wear them. Especially to events where they really don’t want to be: work, dances, assemblies, banquets, funerals, weddings. I think men wear ties as a last resort escape. “If one more groomsmen makes a toast, all I have to do is pull is knot just a little tighter.”
Have you noticed that sales people never say good-bye? They just say bye, or maybe they double it up bye, bye. I think it is a desperate last stitch effort to make the sale. “Good-bye” “Buy, BUY!”
Clocks are on the job all the time. Until the battery goes out, then they retire and get lost in the times. They then get a new battery and the cycle repeats itself. It’s like clock work.
Why is it that you can never put a cup of coffee on a coffee table? You always have to use a coaster. I want a table that is actually a coaster. “Do I need a coaster?” “No, the table will take care of that.” Hopefully someday, hopefully.
I have insomnia. So when I am in bed, I think of what is wrong with the world. Sometimes I come up with logical, practical solutions that can be easily achieved. Like the one I had for solving world hunger. The only problem is that I always forget the solution by morning. I guess people will just have to starve a little longer until I find a solution to my problem.
I don’t get why restaurants are called restaurants. You don’t rest there. You eat. Restaurants should be called eataurants.
Why are, waiters called waiters? Seems to me they do the least amount of waiting. Waiters observe the host to see if they lead the any of the costumers to their sections. Waiters take the costumers’ orders, tell the orders to the chefs, serve the order, ask the customers if everything is going splendid, refill drinks, bring the check, and collect the payment. To me, waiters should be called on-the-go-ers. The costumers wait to be seated, wait to place their orders, wait for their food, and wait to leave. If anything the costumer is the one doing the most amount of waiting. They should be the ones called waiters.
Have you ever been watching a movie and the actor has to cry but can’t? They have the quivering chin, the sniffilly nose, but no tears. Suddenly we have gone from watching this person pretend to now pretending this person is pretending to pretend.
Are ties necessary? Men always have to wear them. Especially to events where they really don’t want to be: work, dances, assemblies, banquets, funerals, weddings. I think men wear ties as a last resort escape. “If one more groomsmen makes a toast, all I have to do is pull is knot just a little tighter.”
Have you noticed that sales people never say good-bye? They just say bye, or maybe they double it up bye, bye. I think it is a desperate last stitch effort to make the sale. “Good-bye” “Buy, BUY!”
Clocks are on the job all the time. Until the battery goes out, then they retire and get lost in the times. They then get a new battery and the cycle repeats itself. It’s like clock work.
Why is it that you can never put a cup of coffee on a coffee table? You always have to use a coaster. I want a table that is actually a coaster. “Do I need a coaster?” “No, the table will take care of that.” Hopefully someday, hopefully.
I have insomnia. So when I am in bed, I think of what is wrong with the world. Sometimes I come up with logical, practical solutions that can be easily achieved. Like the one I had for solving world hunger. The only problem is that I always forget the solution by morning. I guess people will just have to starve a little longer until I find a solution to my problem.
I don’t get why restaurants are called restaurants. You don’t rest there. You eat. Restaurants should be called eataurants.
Why are, waiters called waiters? Seems to me they do the least amount of waiting. Waiters observe the host to see if they lead the any of the costumers to their sections. Waiters take the costumers’ orders, tell the orders to the chefs, serve the order, ask the customers if everything is going splendid, refill drinks, bring the check, and collect the payment. To me, waiters should be called on-the-go-ers. The costumers wait to be seated, wait to place their orders, wait for their food, and wait to leave. If anything the costumer is the one doing the most amount of waiting. They should be the ones called waiters.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
My Thoughts: Observations
Trash cans are very optimistic. Unless you try to put a pizza box in them. Then they are trash can’ts.
Fun untrue fact: Band Aids were invented by musical physicians.
I do not have the patients to be a doctor.
Question marks are redundant? Don’t people know when they are asked a question.
Waiters and waitresses are always taking people’s orders, and they never get caught.
People that analyze NASCAR are raceists.
Roller coasters sound a lot tamer than what they are. “What are you going to ride on?” “Oh, I thought I might coast on some rollers.”
Remote controls are alone because they are bossy.
Fun untrue fact: Band Aids were invented by musical physicians.
I do not have the patients to be a doctor.
Question marks are redundant? Don’t people know when they are asked a question.
Waiters and waitresses are always taking people’s orders, and they never get caught.
People that analyze NASCAR are raceists.
Roller coasters sound a lot tamer than what they are. “What are you going to ride on?” “Oh, I thought I might coast on some rollers.”
Remote controls are alone because they are bossy.
Friday, February 2, 2007
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