I do not like the way Christians go about celebrating Easter. It is their most sacred and important holiday. However, when they greet each other on Easter they say, “Happy Easter.” Happy! Like every other holiday. They make no effort to separate it from the herd: Happy New Year, Happy Valentines’ Day, Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving, Happy 4th of July, Happy Presidents’ Day, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Secretary’s Day, Happy Don’t get shot Day. They only major holiday that is different is Christmas, Merry Christmas, the one holiday that everyone loves. Some diehards Christians feel that a greater emphasis needs to be place on Easter. Luckily for them, I am here. I personally feel that in order to make Easter more important they need to replace the adjective “Happy” when greeting each other. Here are some suggestions as to words to use: blissful, blithe, captivated, cheerful, chipper, delightful, festive, exultant, gleeful, exhilarating, jubilant, jolly, joyous, joyful, overjoyed, enjoyable, mirthful, peppy, perky, sparkling, ecstatic, sold, sprightly, vivacious, groovy, swinging, or zippy. “Have a Chipper Easter!”
I wonder how much you would have to pay a hit man to kill himself.
When one sneezes they get a “God bless you” or a “Gesundheit,” when one coughs they get an “Are you ok? Want some water?” when one flatulates, well what isn’t said; but when one hiccups they get nothing. I say we institute the phrase “you are SO good lookin’” after every hiccup. Not only are you acknowledging the bodily function, you are increasing the hiccuper’s self-esteem.
No one wants to be friends with mimes, because it would be terrible if you had to call them from prison.
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2 comments:
I wonder how much you would have to pay a hit man to kill himself.
...A fuck of a lot.
Dan, it's Joe I did not feel like siging in to tell you this so I'm just gona say it. You stole the you're so good looking from Sienfeld. Just saying but I like were your head is at. As for the hitman theory...it would only take an Eric Byrnes rookie card and he would do it instantly.
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