Fake News

Community Swindled of Thousands
Irwin Jenks was put into custody last Tuesday after he was caught by county police on an Amtrak train headed for Illinois. Jenks has been accused of fraud by Garyville, Iowa, City Hall. Jenks, 32, allegedly conned many residents of money by convincing them they were in need of a theatrical production. Jenks started the Garyville Goers, a supposed theater group, and collected cash for the groups’ members to put on a production of the musical The Music Man. Jenks had collected nearly $10,000 when he withdrew the money from a local bank, and attempted to leave the town. “He seemed like such a nice man. I just can’t believe he would do such a thing,” said Martha Paxton, a member of the Garyville Goers. “and the worst part of it all is that the kids never got to put on a show.” Claims from other communities are now surfacing against Jenks. Both Naperville, Wyoming and Lancaster, Nebraska have pressed charges against Jenks for committing similar acts. A court date has been set in Garyville for the end of the month. If he is found guilty, Jenks may face a jail sentence of up to 15 years in prison.

Fire Drill Causes Fatalities
Tragedy struck last Wednesday at Jennings High South, when two students and one teacher died. An actual fire broke out in the third floor entrance during a routine fire drill. The fire was started by a short circuit in the fire alarm door system. There were two classes in session on the third floor at the time of the alarm. Both classes exited the building and stood in there appropriate area during fire alarms. However, due to the fire, the classes were ordered to move to a different spot so a fire truck to park in a spot that would allow for easier access to the ensuing fire. This move proved fatal though as a second fire truck rushing to the scene ran over two students and a teacher. “This is a tragic day for all.” Fire Chief Randal Youngst said at a press conference, “This fire drill has certainly taught us a lesson to slow down while in route to a fire. It will certainly still be going by the time we get there; there’s no need to rush things.”

Art Museum Officially Open
Early Monday morning, a ribbon ceremony was held in front of the new art museum in down town to make it opening official. “I am cutting this ribbon in hopes of more people gaining knowledge and appreciation of art.” Mayor Wesley said before cutting the ribbon. “This museum should draw more people into the art world, and I am glad to be involved in this historic occasion.”
The new museum located on 333 Pine Ave. is not like any other art museum. It is the dream of Michael Terrossi. Terrossi, a contemporary artist and art historian, proposed his plans for the museum eleven years ago to City Hall. The project was approved, but without proper funding the museum’s construction was put on hold. City Hall was quick to accept the proposed plan for the museum, because of the sales pitch of Terrossi. His plan was to build a museum that housed recreated works of classical and contemporary art. But the works would have a twist. In order to entice visitors to the museum a picture of Waldo from the “Where’s Waldo” book series was to be painted into every piece.
Two years ago construction started on the building after City Hall notified Terrossi of the accepted plans and adequate funding. “It took eleven years, countless hours of work, and the charity of many wonderful supporters to accomplish this goal of mine.” Terrossi said in a speech at the ribbon ceremony. “I hope this art display attracts people to the art world. This museum will get them to stop and completely analyze these wonderful works. I feel folks will stop asking themselves “where’s that Waldo fellow?” when looking at a Monet or Van Gough or Picasso, and start asking “How does this blurry lily pad have meaning?” I am happy and excited for the future of art.” The museum is free to everyone, but does accept donations.

Sports Section

Marlins’ Announcer Resigns
Yesterday, Florida Marlins’ owner, Harold Carter Jr., held a press conference to announce the resignation of the team’s commentator, Rodger Milan. Milan has been an MLB announcer for twelve years. He began his career announcing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ games on the radio, and then switched to the Marlins’ telecasts last year after legendary commentator Gene Cosby retired. Milan fell under scrutiny for the comments he made on the Tuesday telecast of Marlins/Braves game. “I am deeply sorry for the comments I made and personally apologize to all that were offended.” Milan said at the conference.
Many were outraged Milan’s statements about the actions of Braves pitcher, Leo Shaffer. Milan referred to the Native American act of scalping, when Shaffer through the ball at the head of a Marlins’ player. “The comments made were very degrading and disrespectful to my people, and I am happy to see Mr. Milan taking responsibility for his words. As a representative of Native Americans I accept Mr. Milan’s apology. He seemed very sincere in his apology and has undoubtedly learned a lesson.” Said Jacob “Talking Rabbit” Higgins, a member of the Comanche Tribe who serves as a spokesman for Native Americans of America.
Carter Jr. also announced that former Marlin, Mike Geary, will serve as an interim commentator until Carter Jr. finds a permanent replacement for Milan. Geary’s first game will be this Friday when the Marlins travel to Cleveland for their first inter-league match-up to take on the Indians.