My Thoughts: More Excerpts

I like cops, but few people do. I think this is because they are the tattletale little siblings of the country. “I caught you. You snuck in after curfew. I am going to tell mom and dad.” Mom and dad are of course the judges. “I sentence you to a grounding.” However, you can get off, or at least have you punishment lessened, with the help of lawyers. Lawyers are the big brothers and sisters who know the rules of the house and depending on how much you are paying, can be a valuable asset. “Now hold on a second, you can’t just punish him without hearing his story. He knows that curfew is at 11:30. That is why he left at 11:00, but he had to take some friends home and it took longer then expected. Plus I do believe he tried to call, but his phone was dead. (Turning to the client) You are so cleaning my room after this.”

People say I am negative person. They say “If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade.” I reply “I would, but the lemons never come with sugar and a cup. I just get lemon juice.”

There is too much thank-you-ing going on these days. If someone gives you a gift, you have to thank them when you receive it, again when you open it, then you have to send a thank you card, mention the thank you card at the next meeting, “Oh did you get my card?”, get thanked for the card, and finally reply “No, no, really, thank you.” People do not even care about the gift anymore, its all about the meaning behind it. So, people have to show the meaning behind their forlorn faces when they receive the crappy gift with a million thank you’s. This country has courtesy issues, or is there a courtesy competition going on that I don’t know about? Sending thank you cards just wastes the thanked person’s time. They open the card, read it, and throw it away. Who do you know that keeps thank you cards? The next time you give someone a thank you card and they say “you really didn’t have to do this,” believe them. They mean it. What is a thank you card anyway? Legal documentation that you thanked this person? Can someone take you to court for not thanking them?
Plaintiff: Well your honor, I gave him a fruit basket and he never thanked me.
Judge: Is this true?
Defendant: No, it is not. I recall thanking him when he gave it to me. I said ‘Wow thanks. This will come in handy – I just bought a smoothie maker.’ I then thanked him again as we parted.
Judge: Did you send him a thank you card?
Defendant: No, I did not. I felt that two thank you’s were enough.
Judge: Two thank you’s for a fruit basket are, unfortunately for you, not enough. There is no documentation that the thank you’s ever took place. I rule in favor of the plaintiff. The defendant must serve one year at courtesy school, pay $3.97 to cover the expense for a thank you card, and, (turns to defendant) would you please make everyone in the court a smoothie?