Fake News

City on the Move
Jacobsonville, AB, Canada made history last Monday, when it became the first city to pass a bill to move itself one latitudinal degree north of its current location. The legislation was passed during the first day of mayor Gary Hersher’s tenure. Hersher won the mayoral elections in a landside running on the platform of moving the city north. The need for this move became apparent to the Jacobsonvillians when the city’s chief tourist attraction, Madame Icy’s Ice Sculpture Museum, was shut down because of unusually warm temperatures. All of the museum’s outside sculptures were lost during the summer months. “The museum had to be shutdown until temperatures dropped.” said Madame Icy’s curator, Agatha Beach. “It’s the first time we have ever shut down and was hugely disappointing. I am looking forward to the move. I expect our visitor numbers to be as strong as ever. This was a really good idea.” Jacobsonville’s economy has suffered the past year, because of the museum’s closure. The city lost an estimated $1 million dollars in tourists spending. “The move is a logistical nightmare, but I believe we are prepared. We have an excellent plan in place.” Mayor Hersher commented during a press conference. “The city will be moved in sections, and the move should take just 4 to 5 days.” The best professional movers have been hired from Alberta province, and the Canadian Football league players have volunteered to help. “This will be a good time, good break from working out. Coach said the best workout I could give you guys was to move a city.” Calvin Watson, Star linebacker of the Calgary Stampeders, said after a Monday practice. If this move proves to be successful, it could be just the first of many city wide moves in the fight to combat global warming