My Thoughts: Short Takes

Have you ever noticed that when some one loses something, everyone around them suddenly becomes Sherlock Holmes? “I’ll solve this if it’s the last thing I do.” But their sleuthing skills are as acute as a monkey’s on acid. Most interrogations go as followed: “Man, I can’t find my keys. I’ve looked everywhere.” “Well, where did you lose them?” Are you kidding? Seriously? If one knew where they lost their lost item then the item wouldn’t be lost, now would it? Good work, Sipowicz.

I have come to the conclusion that, after a man states the phrase “In my heterosexual opinion,” the next words out of his mouth are going to be really gay.

I believe the secret of Dick Clark’s neverending enthusiasm and energy is that every night he is stored in a Ziploc bag to keep him fresh.

Tic-Tack-Toe has nothing to do with ticks, tacks, or toes.

Going out to dinner with someone isn’t quite so romantic, when you visualize what they are going to be doing with the food they are eating six to eight hours later.

Does action ever get pissed that people are jumping into it all the time? “Can’t they just leave me alone? Or at least saunter into me?”

One of my friends asked me if I wanted to go fly fishing. I said yes. I was intrigued. “How do you catch a tiny, winged insect on a fishing pole?”

You never see anyone store a suit in a suitcase.

I wonder how much you would have to pay a hit man to kill himself.

On nice days at my college campus, one can find a stand in the quad that allows you to rent a puppy for an hour for $5. This, in everyway, is puppy prostitution.